In the future, when you’re all using my new social network, and I’m living high on venture capital money, this post will be considered very important.
This is how the dream started:
Okay, so that was more of a request for money. Here’s the pitch:
So yeah, luckily the guys from Y Combinator decided to leave a series of sacks of small mammal corpses for me to leap over on my evening run, and the rest is history. I really feel like that addition of toothy slugs and triple-processed rat skeletons made it feel like they got me unlike the other people who just offered me money.
Let’s unpack the challenges facing us at Bio-degradable inc.
What problem are we trying to solve at Bio-D?
There’s two problems we’re trying to solve here — the degrading time-slipped self, and the un-mooring of memories from the who you are now.
Your Traitorous Presentation of Self: We think the profile picture you’re using right now is tantamount to treason against the present. It’s from 3 years ago right? From that nice holiday you had that you still talk about and forget that you’ve been pretty much stationary for 3 years.
We’re trying to stop you lying to yourself by breaking everything you present about yourself online regularly. You will mostly be tending to a bio page which could stand in for yourself online. There’s no linear presentation of posts over time, there’s non of that mismatched context of serious-person-who has-actually-been-retweeting-cats-for-half-an-hour confusion for visitors.
You Decide What Memories to Maintain, Publicly — Every day: No memories will need to come back to haunt you about your dead dog, family or houseplant. Instead, you will be used to updating the information on your Bio-D page so often that the gap between “have an old cat” and “used to have a cat :(” is immediate as possible. If you want that information remembered on our site, you will need to tend to it daily.
What a good ritual that would be.
How can we do it?
We’re going to limit you in some ways, and demand your care and attention in others.
This is a powerful form of self care that mirrors real self care. I say mirrors, I mean replaces of course.
Ways in which your profile will degrade any give day:
- Your images will glitch, or be reprocessed into worse versions of your images. We will send round an army of glitchbots to ruin the pictures of you, based on hand-coded pan-seared artisanal algorithms.
- We will replace your good word with bad, weak ones. We’ll add in modifiers to your nouns and concepts which kind of weaken them. We’ll add in weak aphorisms, if you know what I mean. Again, this will be done by a greedy database troll-bot which lives in an unused comments section which we won’t enable.
- While you will be able to make your profile beautiful with lovely fonts and styles, our director-bot will wander around changing things to comic sans and adding marquee tags.
Don’t worry though, we won’t mess about with your links, because that would be cruel and unusual. We’re trying to be only one of those things at a time each.
How do we keep it interesting?
Virus type spreading for viral changes, infect your friends! That’s right, we will make the kind of glitch running across your profile relate to the popularity of it. You link someone to your profile, they’ll be infected and have it apply to their profile, and any others they visit.
Seasonal changes to the kind of degradation to your profile! You’ll love what we’re going to do to that picture of your dog for Easter!
Sponsored degradation! Now your favourite brand can ruin your profile as well as the rest of your life. Sweet, like the taste of Pepsi.
Are you ready to bio-degrade?
Trick question, you already are! Enjoy your flesh while you have it!
If you wanted to sign up to something, there’s this TinyLetter called Etch To Their Own which I have been working on for a while. It’s about ritual, systems, symbolism and process. It hasn’t happened yet, but will soon!