Google is a reverse dictionary.
Google is wagon that pushes the horse.
Google is your gossiping friend.
You don’t remember how you met Google.
Google is a word you type sometimes when you mean to type good
You’re worried you can’t remember anything without Google.
Google has all your stuff, and won’t give it back. Or if it does, you know it still has a copy, and if it doesn’t have a copy it will remember having had it anyway.
You can’t remember if it’s your name on the lease, or Google’s. You know you’re paying the rent.
Google is keeping track of who you’re friends with.
“Google, where did I leave my keys?”
“Google, you don’t have to go everywhere with me.”
Google wants you to talk to it.
Google asks you to fill in CAPTCHAs so it can understand written words and text in photos better.
Google is in your home, and won’t let you touch the thermostat.
Google is breeding robots.
Google owes your government money. Google thinks it would be better if it could access the market freely, but maybe stick some banner ads on GCHQ instead.
Google tells you it’s better at giving you the answers you want, you’re not so sure any more, but don’t know how to ask questions without Google.
Google is outside your home, taking pictures of your house. If they had let you know they were coming, then you probably would have mown the lawn.
Google want to drive your car for you. Which, honestly? You’re fine with.
Google keeps your mail safe for you, and only peeks at some of it.
Google wants you to see the right kind of advertising.
Google used to be the kind of friend who would look after your old books for you, but isn’t really into that kind of thing any more.
Google reminds you that it will always be here, but it doesn’t know whether you’ll be.
I hope to keep this updated with more statements and links, please leave comments and citations, or tweet at me!