6. Be A Slave To Your Muse
 
Did you just squeeze out a novel of appropriate size and length, get it bound and now - as it sits there in front of you in all it’s brick-like glory - Like a brick - A paper-weight - A weight of paper - do you find yourself unable to stop thinking of new ideas? Excellent! Now you’re ready to be gripped by the fear that if you don’t start putting your new ideas they’ll float away into the ether never to be seen again, and that, if you do start drafting that you wrote “the old novel” for nothing.
 



5. Decide to be a Renaissance man (OR jack-of-all-trades)
 
Decide that you are, beyond all else, so capable of being the finest pivot of knowledge in human history that you cannot tie yourself down to one occupation and focus. You should worry intensely about all the things you’re not doing when you’re doing one of them. “So I am editing my novel - but this means I’m not painting a picture” - “Now that I am painting this, what is surely a master-piece in a yet unknown genre, I feel I am certainly neglecting those ideas about putting together an a post-rock concept album about the early work of Verner Hertzog,” - “I guess now I’m really putting the finishing touches to these expansive yet brutal fuzz-scapes I feel I’m neglecting my important study of Anglo Saxon mythology…” and so on. Until you die.
 



4. Talk about it.
 
Talk about and talk about it all the time. Do so much talking about it that you never actually DO anything - in fact if you can set up some meeting with similarly aspiring friends it will be entirely beneficial - you can all talk about being writers and never actually write. There are side effect to this, like regret, but as most of you - like myself are angling for a deathbed conversion you’ll probably live (or die) with it.
 



3. Read advice.
 
Advice is great and great to read - it make your feel armoured and safe. You are now prepared to meet any criticism coming at you - you’re ready to sell and you’re ready to edit. It’s like a pep talk - and who doesn’t like talking pep? The problem is that if you’re reading advice instead of ACTUALLY DOING SOMETHING you’ve failed. Just stop. and. edit. the. bloody. novel.


 
2. Write Blog posts
 
Especially knowing ones about procrastination.


1. Play Minecraft.
 
Minecraft is the finest tool for destroying your life. You play as what is ostensibly a LEGO man in a world of mining LEGO. Then, at night, you have to hide from the zombies and skeletons - which means you need to build a base. But you need to go underground sometimes to get the cool material to make a really sweet base. And there are Zombie down there too. Then you play online and see that there are people who are talented within the game who make insane and wonderful contraptions. Suddenly, added to the madness and the joy is the random element of other human beings creating thing  in a world between your play sessions giving the whole thing the appearance of a mad, but living, LEGO world.
 
 

 
PROTIP(S): All these issues are solved by one of the following options:
 
1. Have a beer in the bath - don’t worry about it, everything will work out.
2. Write & Edit. Then repeat.